The Joy of Saying “Yes” to my Daughter Instead of “No”

She looked back at me as if to double check. “Are you sure?” her eyes said. “Go ahead, go play in the water.  It’s okay; I have a change of clothes. Go have fun!” I told her again. That was all she needed. Timid at first, a little splash, then another until she practically dove into the water table. By water table, I mean this amazing structure with hoses and wheels and pulleys – all the things to make little minds think. She tried the different mechanisms, all while getting herself more soaked. I sat by this waterfall feature with her baby brother and just watched. I made sure I smiled at her when she looked my way for approval. Approval to have fun, to be a kid.

It was during one of the many times she looked to me that a realization hit me, rather painfully. She hears ‘no’ too much. As I watched her run around and splash and get her clothes wet, I saw pure joy on her face. The joy of being a kid, of throwing caution to the wind in a way that only a kid can. As a mom I constantly battle with “am I raising them right?” “Am I teaching them to be good people? Do good things?” Unfortunately this turns into correcting behavior all day long. (Am I the only one who feels like the only word they say is ‘no’?)  I am not saying this is wrong. I believe there needs to be structure and rules. But as I saw there watching her run from activity to activity with a silly smile plastered on her face, I realized something. It doesn’t always have to be that way.

Our trip to the zoo itself was a spontaneous one. We have a membership, and I woke up and just decided the three of us would go. We had one of the best days we’ve had in a long time. I think a little bit of spontaneity like that can go a long way. She was interacting with me, having conversations, asking good questions, and I think we were both actually enjoying ourselves. This is not to say that you have to take your children to the zoo to do this. But today led me to believe that when you are struggling with different phases (one word: threenager) that sometimes shaking off the negative feelings and just reconnecting with your child can do wonders for the soul.

Watching my daughter today reenergized me. It made me appreciate the stage we’re in right now. That even though we’re dealing with extreme tantrums and mood swings, she’s still a child. A child who sees wonder in the sprinklers that turn on by hitting a button. A child who uses different funnels and scoops and watched the different ways she could make the water move. A child who smiled so bright just because I didn’t say no to her getting her clothes wet.

So try saying ‘yes’ a little more. Even when you cringe a little on the inside. Say yes to the messy paint projects. Yes to the mud pies and the blanket forts. I promise the thousand watt smiles in return is not something you will soon forget.