Growing up, my mom would always bring my brother and me to the cemetery on Memorial Day, even though we didn’t have any veterans on my mom’s side of the family. Our priest would have a brief memorial service to remember those from our church we had lost in action and then the three of us would go visit our departed relatives to pay our respects. What I remember most of all is while we were traveling between grave sites, we weren’t allowed to walk over any graves, because it was said to be disrespectful. So my brother and I would zig-zag our way between various spots in the cemetery to say hello to loved ones. And that’s exactly what we did: we would say “Hello,” say our own prayers, place flowers and other homemade gifts on the grave, and head on to the next site. Looking back, this annual childhood experience helped me come to the following realizations:
- Cemeteries are not scary places. At least, they are not meant to be. They are places of solitude, closure, and sadness, sure, and we may want to keep away from them so we can avoid thinking about and experiencing all those unpleasant things. But by bringing us to the cemetery every year, our mom created the opportunity for us to ask questions about our family and life/death, all while helping us “get used” to cemeteries. And when our questions struck a nerve, we had to confront some hard emotions, which ended up being good for everyone by helping us grow, reflect on life, and become stronger in character.
- Loss will always affect a person. No matter how much time passes, you miss who is no longer here. But there is a choice to view loss as purely a deficit or to focus on a remembrance of life. A great way to do this on Memorial Day with your kids is to make your own red poppies, which is a universal symbol of remembrance (thanks to Moina Michael who inspired the movement in New York on November 9, 1918, two days before World War I ended. Poppies grew in many of the Belgian and French battlefields).
- We should all pay tribute to those who passed away protecting our rights and freedoms. Regardless of whether you have veterans in your family, every American should take time on Memorial Day to honor those who have passed away in the line of duty. While we may not like everything that is going on in the world today, those who live in America continue to have the rights we have because men and women are willing to die to protect them. That is incredible and should be honored. A bit of history: Memorial Day was also called Decoration Day in some parts of the country. Whole communities wanted to pay their respects and would organize the day around decorating soldiers’ graves. Show your appreciation with your kids by making your own patriotic wreaths.
- Life (and death) is all about people and connection. As for the zig-zagging, while seemingly silly, it made me hyper-aware that there were people in the ground. People who had/have families and friends; who were/are still loved; people who wanted their lives to be meaningful; people who left legacies. There are so many and every one of them impacted lives. If you don’t want to have that conversation with your kids in a cemetery, Memorial Day is a good day to draw out a family tree and talk about your relatives, past and present.
So when I take my very young kids to the cemetery, I will mentally prepare for a difficult experience. They won’t get it yet and it won’t let me grieve/find solace/say “hello” quite the way I want, but I know it will be worth it in the long run. Oh, and I will definitely teach them to zig-zag.
Beautiful post. I remember visiting the cemetery on Memorial Day with my parents, and placing flowers on the graves of family members. Thank you for linking to the Patriotic Bandana Wreath on CraftsnCoffee.com.
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