In the weeks leading up to my son’s appointment, all I could think about was how much weight he had gained. It had been the topic of our six month appointment and I promised the pediatrician (like someone can make such a promise?) that we would be back on track at the next one.
I chased him around the house with a bottle of milk the night before his appointment like the good Italian mom that I am. I attempted to get him to eat graham crackers in the parking lot of the pediatrician’s office, but that’s neither here nor there. Turns out, I was worried for absolutely no reason – in fact – I was so worried about his weight that I didn’t even notice that my nine month old son wasn’t crawling, babbling, or really doing much at all. I was in denial.
I was busy taking notes when I heard the pediatrician casually say, “let’s get an early intervention referral for Cole, and a hearing test while we’re at it.” Excuse me?! I was stunned. I read all the books, took all the classes, followed all the rules. Where was the chapter on this?! I was shocked.
Driving home from that innocent appointment left me in tears. My husband (always the calmer and cooler of the two of us) tried to talk me off a bridge. I wasn’t having it. By the time we arrived home, I was in a tailspin that alternated between thoughts of “what have I been doing wrong?” to “will he ever talk?” and everything in between. I was panicking.
Over the next few days, I began Googling. Let me tell you, Google is not your friend in this situation. When I wasn’t Googling, I alternated between crying and watching my son like a hawk for any sign of movement or speech. I also asked everyone (and their mother) for their expert opinions on the situation. Did I mention the Google phase? I was overwhelmed.
A very close friend to tried use her profession as a means of helping me realize that there was nothing to be worried about, and that he would develop in his own time. I’m thankful that she was able to see the light that I couldn’t. Sometimes, when you’re so fixated on what’s wrong, it’s hard to focus on what’s right. I regret all the time that I spent on Google and not because it made me crazy. I regret it because I didn’t see my son for who he was. I was so focused on proving that he didn’t need early intervention instead of realizing that he really did.
A few weeks later, we received a gross motor delay diagnosis. Even though I knew that early intervention was necessary and a good thing, it was hard to digest. I had so many thoughts before our first session. I was worried about how he would react (he honestly just thought someone was coming to play with him every week!) and selfishly how we would make it fit into our weekly routine. I was worried.
After two sessions, Cole started crawling. He’s babbling up a storm, and we’re learning how to help and support him in the best way that we know how. I’m in awe of the journey that has led us to here and for the future of reaching milestones on his own timetable. I am thankful.
