My husband and I sit down at a restaurant with our two sons. After several grueling minutes, the boys finally decide on their order (chicken fingers….again) and get to work coloring their menus. My husband and I make an attempt at uninterrupted conversation when I see them out of the corner of my eye.
It’s a family. Their baby sits happily in the high chair beside them. They catch my eye because their baby is wearing a cranial band.
And that baby is so adorable (I may be done having babies, but my ovaries do ache periodically). Looking at him brings back some memories. An elderly couple is also looking in their direction. They are exchanging thinly veiled glances with each other. Clearly, they’re trying to decipher why the baby is wearing a “helmet.”
Cranial bands or “helmets” are used to adjust the shape of a baby’s skull. However, some folks really thought it was truly a helmet to prevent him from bumping his head, and that the reason for it was that we were wildly overprotective. Some even assumed he had a behavioral issue, and that he was purposely hurting himself. Strangers can really ask the darnedest things.
Then there were the others. The others who knew exactly what we were doing because heir own child had one. They were my people.
About 47 percent of infants are affected by plagiocephaly, a condition of having a flat or misshapen skull. It can come in the form of a flat spot, asymmetry, or a taller skull. Severity varies. Many children will outgrow this on their own. Others, like my son, need some intervention.
Plagiocephaly occurs for a variety of reasons: womb position, prematurity, torticollis, and even from putting a baby on his or her back to sleep, which is actually an AAP recommendation that has been responsible for a decrease in SIDS-related deaths. Despite being more common, cranial bands are still shrouded in some mystery.
As a parent considering the need for a cranial band, you find yourself utilizing every “trick” to help avoid it. When you finally accept it, that first-week schedule’s of “on time”/”off time” schedule is tough as both you and your baby are getting used to it. More than once my husband and I wondered if we had made the right decision. But you trudge through, make the commitment, and grow used to the stares you may receive in public. With time not only are the results are undeniable, but the band becomes a part of your life and daily routine.
I would love my son to the ends of this earth no matter how his skull was shaped. But in my heart, I know we made the right decision for him.
We finish up dinner and my kids pick up the 235th crayon they’ve dropped on the floor. I look over at my son, nearly 7 years out of his cranial band journey. His only memories of those days are in pictures we’ve shown him. My attention, once again, turns to that family.
Once upon a time, when we were in their shoes, strangers took their long way out of a restaurant to give us some encouragement. It’s a kindness we haven’t forgotten. That couple may not have known it, but their words were the reassurance we needed. So, today, we take the long way out of the restaurant.
As we approach, I make eye contact with the mother. I can tell she’s hoping we don’t ask questions. She wants people to be informed but simultaneously wants to be able to go out without the stares of confusion, sympathy, or judgment. I was her once.
“I’m sorry to disturb you but he is just so adorable! Our son wore a cranial band too and here he is today, 7 years old. It’s not always easy, but you’re doing a great job.”
You can tell they are reassured to be part of this “club.” Their baby coos at me and my ovaries hurt just a tiny bit more. Our short exchange is ended when our 3-year-old firmly declares he’s “ready to go now!” As we make our exit, I look over my shoulder and observe the parents looking a little more confident than they were earlier. I nudge my husband. He looks, turns back to me, nods and smiles.
It’s always worth taking the long way out.
