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How to Take a Toddler and an Infant to the Zoo in 30 (Million) Easy Steps

toddler infant zoo 30 million easy steps banana peel Providence Moms Blog

Or: A Tale of Two Banana Peels

  1. Mentally switch today’s plans from doctor appointment to zoo trip with friends since you forgot to schedule a babysitter. Inform toddler of zoo trip.
  2. Call to reschedule doctor appointment.
  3. Receive text from mother asking what time she should come over to babysit.
  4. Realize you must have asked mother to babysit when you originally made appointment. Call and inform mother that memory is no longer in working order and have just cancelled appointment due to supposed lack of sitter.
  5. Prepare self and children for zoo.
  6. Pack lunches.
  7. Toddler states he is so ‘uh-cited’ to go to the zoo with you and his brother. Cue heart melting.
  8. Instruct toddler to pee one more time before leaving house.
  9. Go outside, pick up double stroller to place in trunk, notice fruit flies coming out of it.
  10. Discover two week old banana peel in bottom of stroller, presumably attracting the fruit flies. Dispose of banana peel.
  11. Accidentally slam double stroller into legs three separate times on fifteen foot journey to car, causing three separate bruises.
  12. Throw double stroller into trunk and slam door as quickly as possible to keep it from falling out.
  13. Turn around to find toddler in underwear standing on porch.
  14. Bring toddler inside to pee one more time.
  15. Pack children up in car and begin to drive.
  16. Spend five minutes talking to toddler about the importance of sharing at his favorite part of the zoo, the area with the fake chickens and eggs.
  17. Spend five minutes attempting to explain to toddler why you can’t open your phone and put on his playlist while you’re driving.
  18. Spend five minutes outlining for toddler why you’re driving to the zoo (as opposed to walking the 18 miles).
  19. Arrive at zoo only 10 minutes late!
  20. Attempt to nurse baby in the car before going in. Baby not interested in nursing, baby is fascinated by the inside of the car. Wonder how you’re supposed to nurse baby in the zoo with toddler running amok.
  21. Transfer children from car to double stroller.
  22. Apply sunscreen to baby.
  23. Apply sunscreen to toddler while he screams like you’re killing him.
  24. Arrive at zoo gate, realize that you don’t have membership card and have left baby’s pacifier in car.
  25. Zoo accepts license instead of card, and you find backup pacifier in diaper bag. Mom win!
  26. Realize you’re not wearing deodorant. It’s 85 degrees out.
  27. Wander zoo with children and friends.
  28. Return to car and pack up children.
  29. Fold stroller, noticing toddler’s leftover banana peel in storage basket. Remind self to remove it at home in order to avoid another fruit fly situation.
  30. Forget.


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