IUI – my Journey to Motherhood

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woman looking sad Providence Moms BlogI’d been married for three years and answered the “when are you going to have a baby?” question more than I’d like to recount. My OBGYN recommended going to an infertility specialist for testing. Admittedly, I was both excited and terrified at the idea of a specialist. On the one hand, I felt closer to getting a baby, but I also had the overwhelming feeling like I was failing as a mother before I even became one! Everywhere I looked, someone was pregnant, and I struggled to hide my disdain.

Our first appointment came and we filled out tons of paperwork, talked to the specialist team, and got scheduled for testing. I wasn’t prepared to hear that testing would take six months. All I wanted was a baby and I couldn’t understand so many tests were necessary. Truthfully, I still don’t fully understand that.

My husband got the easy job in the testing part (if you know what I mean). I, however, had blood tests, urine tests, a dye test that to this day I still cringe thinking of, more blood tests – it never ended. Now, months later, we went in for our results. The good news – my lab results were “normal/exceeds normal” on all accounts.  The bad news – I had undiagnosed infertility, meaning they couldn’t find the problem.

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Next, we started IUI – inter-uterine insemination. The process meant I had to take hormones and test for ovulation. During my ovulation “window” I would get up at 5am (which seemed like the middle of the night since I didn’t have a child at that point) and pee on an ovulation stick. If it was positive, then we were a go for that day and the next day. I then had to wait two weeks and go for another blood test. I was glued to my phone that first month, anxiously awaiting a call to say I was pregnant. The call came, and the nurse said, “I’m sorry but you’re not pregnant. You need to take your next round of hormones starting next week; I’ve already called them into your pharmacy.” She moved on quickly to our next steps. While I followed instructions and maintained composure when needed, inside I was hurting.

After the second try, we had to take a month break while my doctors figured out why IUI seemed to be working but my body wasn’t pregnant. Soon after, they sat me down and told me that I now had a diagnosed issue with infertility. Over the years I could have been getting pregnant but my body didn’t produce the correct hormones to allow me to maintain a viable pregnancy. I was relieved to have answers but fell into a deep depression. I was able to go through my daily motions but came home and went directly to bed. My husband worked second shift so I didn’t have to put on a show for anyone. My bulldog was all too happy to snuggle in bed with me, usually with snacks.

Then my doctor called and said it was time to try again with additional hormone supplements. I went for my procedure and started my waiting game. By this time I’d gotten sick of waiting for the two weeks, so to torture myself I took pregnancy tests daily. Then it happened: the little window said pregnant! It was all I could do to wait the two extra days before my blood test would confirm what I already knew: my life was changing forever. The call came to confirm and I could hardly contain myself. All of the pain, both physical and emotional, had gotten me to this point, and nothing could have made me happier!

The path to motherhood is different for each person; the end results are worth the journey.

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