As a mom, you learn something new every day. I’ve learned a lot through the years, believe me. And I’ve come to realize there’s one thing you can’t register for before your first baby shower: mom friends.
When you become a new mom, you think making friends will be as effortless as it was in high school, college, or your early marriage years. But it’s not. It can be challenging. And disappointing.
I feel so blessed to have dear friends who are there for me unconditionally. Not just when I need their support. But when they need mine too. There to help from carpooling to conversation, impromptu stop-overs to perfectly-timed girls’ nights. And uplifting walks to the beach.
I’ve counted on my friends during weekend get-aways, snowstorms, hurricanes, family illnesses, surgeries, deaths of loved ones, and other challenging times when I feel like I need a proverbial village to get through the day. We also enjoy hanging out for no particular reason, except to enjoy whine, cheese and cocktails together, swap stories, and belly laugh until we almost pee in our dressy pants.
But I’ve also experienced the complete opposite: toxic mom friends. People you thought were your friends, but due to unforeseen circumstances, cause you more harm than happiness. More sadness than satisfaction. People who quite frankly, weren’t meant to be your friends, but came into your life for a season. And a reason.
Below are 20 ways to tell whether someone is worth your time and friendship. Nothing will replace living and learning, but little hints could help prevent a future friend-astrophy.
20 ways to tell if someone is a good mom friend:
1. They’re there for you even when times are tough.
2. They’re there for you even when they don’t need anything.
3. They take the time to listen.
4. They take the time to send a thoughtful text. To post a kind sentiment, even when they’re busy breastfeeding, mommy ubering, or working around the clock.
5. They get it. They get YOU.
6. You look forward to hearing from them. And they look forward to hearing from you too.
7. You speak highly of her and she of you.
8. You look forward to her call, text, or email.
9. It’s a grin-grin, win-win fest when you get together during good times, and a grey-day-but-it’s-OK when times are tough.
10. Even if it’s been a long time since you got together due to kids and life in general, you pick up where you left off. I have dear friends I don’t get to see on a weekly or monthly basis, but when we do, it’s like we never spent time apart.
11. They’re thoughtful.
12. They treat you to coffee or tea just because.
13. They’re generous with words, time, and friendship.
14. They don’t gossip about you.
15. They aren’t petty or hold grudges.
16. They tell you if something is wrong.
17. They’re happy for you.
18. They’re supportive.
19.They’re for you, not against you.
20. And lastly, to borrow from Bridget Jones, they like you just the way you are. xo
