From the moment he arrived, my younger son made it clear he was his own person. We discovered his dimples within hours of birth, when he did that subconscious newborn smiling thing. When he started smiling with purpose, they were big, toothless smiles. His giggles were infectious, and became more boisterous as he grew.
And when sad, he would put on the biggest pout he had. At 3 years old, he still rocks that pouty bottom lip when he’s sad. Combine that with his baby blues, and I melt.
As he grew, it was apparent he’s incredibly caring and concerned for others. His teachers say he’s perceptive and the first to approach a distressed classmate to comfort them. If
his brother is upset, he’s typically by his side supporting him with a hug (even if he is the reason for his brother’s current state of unhappiness). If I am sad, he will rub my shoulder and say: “Everything will be okay, Mom.”
We were recently traveling together when I missed my highway exit. Unsure how to reach our destination, I took the following exit to turn on my GPS. “What’s wrong, Mom? Are you okay?” I heard from the back seat. I hadn’t uttered a word about being slightly lost. At 3 years old, I was impressed he could read an emotion on my face that I had not expressed verbally.
“He’s so smart,” I’m told by others. “And not just in a ‘he-knows-his-ABC’s’ kind of way.”
The flip side of his empathy and emotional intelligence is that he feels his emotions so deeply. You know the sad parts of Disney movies? He’s the kind of kid whose eyes well up and needs cuddles during them (Frozen was especially tough).
His strong emotions make some days harder than others. The simple task of sharing a toy can produce tears. A request to stop playing because it’s bedtime is met with sadness and a healthy dose of stubbornness. At school, transitions from one activity to another can prove challenging. Is this normal 3 year old behavior? Yes, to an extent. But a 20 minute meltdown because his brother wanted to borrow a yellow crayon can be trying, not to mention a bit heartbreaking.
I don’t want to paint my son as wholly uncooperative. It’s just that it’s often hard for us not to meet his frustration with our own. Sometimes that means we have to provide him a generous amount of heart-to-heart talks to help him process his emotions. We try, however, to work with him, not against him. I never want to quell his right to his feelings. They are a part of what makes him caring, loving, and perceptive.
Which takes me right to one of my concerns for him as he grows. It’s no secret that our society says it’s okay for a woman show emotion, but not a man. Will he try to dull himself one day to please others or to fit into some perceived societal mold?
Turn on the news, or, read through comments on some Facebook posts and it’s obvious many in this world lack compassion. At just 3 years old, my son has embraced a level of emotion and empathy beyond his years. I hope this quality of his doesn’t crumble in an effort to fit the “norm.” He is not perfect; no child is. But if he can be this good of a human at 3, he has the potential to be a a great grown up.
So for now, we’ll deal with the days that are harder than others. We will recognize his emotions; we won’t stifle them. We’ll try our best to help him harness the greatness inside of him to better himself and the world around him. And we’ll always encourage him to be true to himself.
