May is Sleep Better Month. It is AMAZING that this exists! I want to sleep better…and more. If you want to as well, check out these great tips, tricks, and hacks at bettersleep.org.
Here’s my situation around sleep, though. Maybe you can relate.
I have kids. Young kids. They’re busy. The more tired they become, the more energy they somehow acquire. They have the superpower of sucking all the mental energy out of adults in close proximity and using it to fuel their antics particularly right before bedtime.
Their days run from 6am to 7:30pm. Once they are finally settled in bed (8:30?), my husband and I get to put on our home restoration hats. We clean, scrub, fold, and so on. Dinner and zoning out in front of the TV happen at some point, too.
Then I remember, I have a business to run and part-time remote-in work to get done. So I grab my trusty laptop and stay up too late to feel accomplished. My superpower: blind stubbornness. I was a night owl in college, consistently crunching out phenomenal papers at 2am. Clearly, I can keep that up a decade later (false).
I didn’t appreciate sleep then. Because I could do it whenever I wanted. I was beholden to no one, let alone little people that I made. I remember the first time someone told me I could and should go take a nap and they would watch my newborn baby, I just stared blankly in response. You would think that a music swell of the “Hallelujah” chorus would have started playing in my head. What you could hear instead was radio static due to complete and total lack of sleep. I literally could not comprehend this incredible offer.
When I finally accepted the advice of this well-meaning person, I remembered the moment I lied down as sweet, glorious bliss. Oh, the possibility and joy of a little nap! I actually felt my body turn to goo as I lied down. Then I konked out for what felt like hours, but was only minutes, woken up by baby and babysitter screams in a feeding time induced…is panic too strong of a word? This moment of startled awakening is THE WORST. You’re groggy, yet have to react and move quickly. For me, it resulted in stubbed toes. And not a lot of naps moving forward.
Now I look back and think that “mild fatigue” wasn’t so bad. After all, I had another kid. Short-term memory is funny like that. Mine probably sucks because I didn’t get enough sleep! And here we are. Despite mental mind-suck by my adorable children, around 10pm, I get a second wind that can carry me for hours. So if I’m not in bed by 10, I lose the sleep game? I still think 10 is early! There is so much to do!
The irony is that now I have a much better appreciation for sleep. Especially when my kids do it. I need it, too, of course. I am not that dumb; there is a significant improvement in how I function when I get at least 6 hours. But I still struggle with justifying it. Even though I am tired. Really, really, freaking tired.
I realize now that the biggest struggle is reconciling the idea of sleep and the reality of life. When one lies down with the intention to sleep, one EXPECTS to 1) fall asleep for a series of consecutive hours and 2) feel well rested when one arises at the proper time. That is not that outrageous. Yet, it rarely happens in our house. When I go to bed I 1) work in bed until I can’t keep my eyes open or my husband (lovingly) yells at me to go to sleep, 2) fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, and 3) wake up to someone crying and/or using the bathroom in the wee hours of the morn…a couple times. (Does anyone else’s toilets exponentially increase their volume at night? Just mine? Cool.)
But that’s the job, right? We’re here to take care of these little people through the night, no matter how much life they suck out of us during the day. People tell you that you’ll be tired when you have kids, but what they can’t possibly convey until you experience it for yourself is how your love for them outweighs anything they can throw at you, including mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. Somehow we muster on, forget the rough times and power through to love the snot out of our kids and raise them to be responsible, caring global citizens.
To conclude this melodrama, I will dare to say that moms and sleep feel like Romeo and Juliet. We want each other so bad; we yearn to be together so we can build a beautiful dream-filled life. But it is just not meant to be. Falling asleep = bad news bears for all involved (though…people do die in that play, so everything in perspective).
Though, I really like is the idea of a well-rested me. I hope to meet her someday. When my eyes fall upon her in the mirror, I imagine I’d say, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” End scene. It’s going to be great.
