3:45: Mom finally picks up my sister and takes us out for pizza. Do we usually eat dinner before 4:00 p.m.? No, but we should!
5:15: The State House looks so fancy! My sister says it’s a castle.
5:18: Why are we driving around the State House again?
Ooh! Is that Mario Hilario’s news van?
5:21: Mom turned off the radio so she could drive better. I don’t think it helped because we’re driving in circles. I count this as lap 3.
5:29: We park at the Vets for $15. Mom asks the valet if the Christmas tree is inside the State House, because she assumed it would be outside. He says, “of course it’s inside!” I repeat, “Of course it’s inside!” a few times and Mom gives me The Look.
5:33: We gallop like horses all the way to the State House Castle. I win.
5:40: There is a police lady with a cool hat and two guns at the door. There is also a metal detector. I confess about the stick and sparkly gems that are in my pockets but the man in charge says that I’m all set and lets me in. Mom’s watch sets off the metal detector.
5:43: Mom forces us to take a picture in front of a wreath. I refuse to smile and make monster faces instead.
5:47: I see cookies and water. Mom says we can get some. I choose a brownie for me and another for Mario Hilario. If I give it to him he will roll his eyes like he does on television, and that’s my favorite thing ever.
5:50: Those kids who sing about Benny’s are here and they’re singing but I can’t see them. I would sing along, but they aren’t singing the Benny’s song.
6:00: Everyone is watching a lady in a red jacket. She comes over and talks to my sister, who hides from her. I shake her hand. Mom says that she is the governor, which is like the President of Rhode Island. She has little pizzas to give out and I’m disappointed because I thought they were cookies. The governor doesn’t know where Mario Hilario is, so I eat the cookie I got for him.
6:10: We all count down from 10 and the tree lights come on.
6:12: I’m bored and ask Mom if we can go home. She says “sure,” but then the band starts playing. I like the guy with the big stick covered in jingle bells.
6:20: The governor and some guy are reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. The band is playing along. I tell Mom that she’s like Santa because she also shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Everyone around us laughs.
6:26: The Grinch and a giant gingerbread person walk by and both my sister and I hide.
6:34: I notice the lady doing sign language. She makes hilarious faces so I start making them, too.
6:42: Three ladies in sparkly dresses are taking turns singing. One of them sings something my mom says is called “opera.” I try to make my voice go wobbly and loud like that, too. I get The Look again.
6:51: I see a kid with a soda. I ask Mom if I can get a soda and she says no. I pretend to be boneless and slither down four of the marble stairs.
7:03: We gallop back to the car. I win again.