An open letter to my fellow moms dealing with anxiety,
Do you feel guilty for saying no? Do you feel overwhelmed with a calendar of plans and little time to yourself? I’m here to tell you that it really is okay to say no every so often. In fact, it may even help. I have always been the queen of the word yes. My pre-baby weekends were jam-packed with parties, lunch dates, trips, and a quest to stay fully engulfed in the Providence restaurant scene.
I left little time for myself. I have now realized that staying busy has been a coping mechanism for my anxiety — something that years of therapy helped to discover. There are times when I continue taking on more and more responsibilities/tasks/events until I just physically can’t anymore. This often leads to a breakdown of feelings and emotions.
As I emotionally prepared for the role of being a new mother, I was worried that life would seem even busier, and that gone were the days of stacking the weekends with a plethora of activities in order to avoid being bored or having extra time to get anxious.
Fourteen months later, I’ve come to the conclusion that being a mom has altered the way that I look at anxiety. I’m here to tell you that it has actually improved at times. So what’s the secret? Being a mom has allowed me to say no. More importantly, it has finally required me to say no to others. This is not about using my child as an excuse to skip a baby shower or a birthday party. It’s about making choices for my mental health. After a busy week at work and an even busier nightly routine with my son, there are some Saturday mornings when we just need to stay in our pajamas or go to the farmers market as a family. We love our friends (and even their kids birthday parties) but sometimes we just have to say no to prevent a mommy meltdown.
Don’t get me wrong: I hate saying no. I hate saying no to my husband, son, parents, sibling, friends, family, and co-workers. I wish I could be in a million places at once. I wish we could go non-stop and still have the fuel to make it through every day and every week and every year. Unfortunately, even the super moms are not made for that. Sometimes, you just have to say no.
