Finding Us: Dating My Husband (Again)

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Man and Woman Sitting Together in Front of Table

I have been a partner almost as long as I’ve been a mother. Our mushy dating honeymoon phase was short lived and we became mom and dad before we fully became an ‘us.’ While this was not the path I dreamt of, we made it work. And a decade later our less than ideal start is a distant memory. 

This has ultimately led to an interesting hurdle in our lives. Being a mom made me a terrible wife. I spend 14 hours a day being a mom and about 30 minutes being a wife. There is no catching up after the kids go to bed, no dating each other, no “parents only” dinner; there’s dividing and conquering, chauffeuring to and from activities, and occasionally eating in shifts.

A few weeks ago I came to the harsh realization that my husband and I had not spoken in almost a whole day unless it involved something to do with the kids. We weren’t fighting. We were even sitting in the same room. And yet nothing was said. This was a wake-up call; the stark realization that we need to learn to be an ‘us’ again.

I put my foot down. I told him I want to spend more time together and implement at home date nights because right now that’s what works for us. It hasn’t been easy to do; by the end of the day we’re both exhausted, but if we make the effort now, eventually it will be just part of the routine. We’re not going to be jet setting off to a romantic beach vacation for a second honeymoon any time soon. We are going to sit on the couch and watch some stupid show, hold hands in the car, and maybe I’ll even send him a cute text message while he’s at work.

I’ll learn to be a better partner and so will he, because we know right now we’re both kind of phoning it in. I’ll never be the perfect wife or mother, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be their mother and his wife and a horrible housekeeper. Some nights the dishes are going to soak and the laundry won’t get folded. I will sit on the couch with my husband, instead. We will watch mindless television and most likely fall asleep, but it will be time with him that will be time well spent.

couple sitting at table holding hands Providence Moms Blog