I often think of my marriage in two parts: the before children time and the after children time. This not an apocalyptic thought, but really a very matter of fact statement. My marriage looked very different before children. In the before time, we only had one another to worry about and love unconditionally. It was easy to be spontaneous, and date nights were plentiful and full of laughter.
The after children time is filled with a lot more responsibility. This is not a negative. Caring for two little beings is a lot of work, but it comes with a lot of love. Spontaneity is a bit harder to come by, mostly because toddlers require a bit more forethought. We tried to live our lives like we used to, but of course, it looked nothing like it did before kids. Most nights end with us collapsing on our couch. We laugh, chat, and then promptly retreat to our preferred devices. If I am being honest, my husband and I fell into a rut. It was sneaky. I was not really even aware that it happened. We were not unhappy, but just comfortable with our routine. We were a happy kind of boring.
This fall, though, something crazy happened — everyone got married. Like seriously, everyone! Miraculously, my husband and I found ourselves on not one, but two separate child-free weekends. It was amazing! I missed my children terribly, but my husband and I had so much fun. We explored new cities, got lost in museums, went out to dinner, and had uninterrupted conversations. We laughed, held hands, flirted, drank a few extra glasses of wine, and slow-danced. For a short amount of time, we were just us and it was perfect.
This opportunity made me realize that we needed to take the time to do this a bit more often. We gladly came home to care for and snuggle our little girls, but we decided to make sure we made time to care for us. It was important to me (and him) to hold onto those before children feelings. Date nights needed to be more creative. In fact, we knew most would be in our home, so knew we would have to make an effort to put devices down and tune into one another. Simply stated, we needed to prioritize making time for us.
Taking time for us is important, but it did not require any major upheavals or elaborate plans. We really have just tried to make better use of our non-parenting hours. As the months go on, I know that some weeks will be better than others. The holidays and flu season are upon us, which will surely wear us down. There will be nights when I would really just rather hide under a blanket and enjoy the quiet. However, I am going to try my best to hold onto a little bit of that “before children” nostalgia, because that is what made this “after children” life possible.
